Cunto Cards is a trumps card game featuring 42 awful and terrible Cunts, vying for supremacy on the battlefield of Cunto

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Cunto. Similar to the popular Top Trumps game but with Cunts.

Cunto Cards 2018 Edition includes 42 of the world’s most terrible Cuntos.

Pop stars, politicians, business idiots, chefs, dictators, so-called comedians and sports cheats populate the cards.

You only have to play Cunto to work out who is the worst Cunto of all time. Win all the cards and you win the game.

Cards are a quality product, printed in Italy on a special 330 gr/sqm triplex paper of casino quality, assuring zero transparency. Cards are easy to shuffle and resistant to wearing-out.

Reaction to the cards so far has ranged from shock and horror, through moral outrage, to enthusiastic agreement. One thing is for sure: we can’t let these cunts rest.

The cards can be considered offensive so careful who you’re buying them for, although some people have already bought them as wedding presents!

All packs are shipped first class so if you’re in the UK you should get them within 2 working days of your order.
All packs are brand new, mint quality.


Cunto Cards

Play this Trumps game and become King of Cunts by winning all the Cuntos.

Cunto Cards 2018
Cunto Cards 2018


  1. Ciara Mitchell

    Looks good Paul, plenty of fun card games ahead!
    Can I order 2 packs!

    • dr_paul

      Hi Ciara – I’ve replied via email

  2. David Campbell

    I need these in my life.

    Take my money 👍

  3. Faz (verified owner)

    bloody brilliant

  4. Aaron Payne (verified owner)

    These are a work of genius. I bought a pack as a birthday present for my brother. He laughed so much that he’s had to have a catheter fitted.

    I need to order another set as I wish I’d kept them for myself.

  5. graham ward

    Feeling a bit of a twat having inadvertantly done somebody a wrong?
    Fear not – a quick shuffle (of the Cunto cards!) will have you feeling tickety boo, once you’ve been reminded of the unadulterated cuntery of some of our leading lights!
    Buy the cards, play the game and then simply thank fuck you aren’t being cottaged in the pack by Bono and Rolf Harris!!!

  6. Danny Emmerton (verified owner)

    Hilariously offensive, my Nan was thrilled to get these. To be honest, 40 cards of Bono would be sufficiently cunty.

  7. Sean Whatson (verified owner)

    Wonderful game. Makes me wish my Ex-wife could become famous so that she could have her own card!
    But of course that would taint a product that already features James Corden.
    Loved the game, fun and poignant to these most cunty of times.

  8. Mike Ryan (verified owner)

    Give the Worlds biggest cunts the recognition they deserve, and laugh your tits of doing so.
    Gave my first pack as a wedding present so have just ordered another two. Great to take down the pub or for passing the time on long journeys.

  9. Nick S (verified owner)

    Just the special birthday comedy gift I was looking for! A hoot – I’m praying for expansion packs and updates. The look on competitors faces as they see who beats who and how! The amusement of reading out the write-ups to one another as we played! The unconscious nods of agreement at near everrrrrrrry one! Great stuff.

  10. Dennis Fox (verified owner)

    One of the funniest and original decks of cards ever. A colleague actually shat himself with laughter and he’s a complete cunt.

  11. Peter (verified owner)

    Bought Cunto for my sisters birthday and it’s now a regular after dinner feature in her household. Top selection of absolute cunts. A real must have !

  12. Robert Alexander (verified owner)

    Has all the classic cunts in there and some up and coming cunts too. A true smorgasbord of cuntery. Top work Paul, you’re a good cunt!

  13. Allan (verified owner)

    Another great Edinburgh contribution to global culture!
    First Editions of anything become collectors items.
    (A couple of blank cards that can be filled in to customise the deck would be nice in the future)

  14. Eric (verified owner)

    Ordered a pack for a friend’s birthday. The gift went down a treat – especially as the cards reinforced the opinions he already held and the cards were ‘spot on’ every time. Looking forward to a second edition. Thanks, Paul.

  15. Simon Yeats (verified owner)

    Saw the ad in Viz and knew this was for me. Utterly hilarious, can’t wait for the next editions, so many more Cuntos that need adding!

  16. Chrisso. (verified owner)

    Marvellous stuff. I’m Obviously disappointed that Sting’s not in the pack, however the inclusion of James Corden more than makes up for it. PS: Any chance of Richard Madeley making it into the next edition?

  17. Terry Kealy (verified owner)

    A well-deserved kick in the nuts to some of the most obnoxious people in politics, business and entertainment. A worthy successor to Meaty Trumps (RIP).

  18. Jonathan McCafferty

    Top quality time warp fun, you’d have to be a cunt not to enjoy it!!

  19. George (verified owner)

    Brilliant – and very addictive. We’re all hoping for a second set soon. Where are Piers Morgan, Jeremy Vine and Katie Price?

  20. G W-S (verified owner)

    Great Fun, even Better when you’ve had a few Beers!!

  21. Steve (verified owner)

    Knew exactly who to buy this for. And he knew exactly who bought it. What a pair of cunts!

  22. Andrew (verified owner)

    My mum threw mine in the bin. 5 stars.

  23. James (verified owner)

    Fun for all the family

  24. Ade (verified owner)

    All your favourite cunts in a handy pocket size pack and so funny I nearly shat a brick.

  25. Nik (verified owner)

    What a load of first class cunts. Personally I think James Corden is the biggest cunt, followed by Jamie Oliver. A brilliant idea, chuckled till a bit of wee came out.

  26. Allan (verified owner)

    Excellent game. Can you add Diego Maradona to next years edition?

  27. Debbie

    Bought these after the Sunday night quiz the day after my 30th Birthday. Hanging to bits in the pub with my pals, we played a round and couldn’t stop laughing – really sorted out the hangover. Great game, full of cunts! Can’t wait for the expansion pack although it’ll be hard to top that lot.

  28. Cathal Byrne (verified owner)

    What’s not to love about this naughty trump card game? Better than ” Family cars of the late 80’s ” trumps😉

  29. cookerupert (verified owner)

    Bought 2 packs for my cunt brother and cunt sister in law for Christmas .
    Laughed so much I’ve ordered another pack for me. ‘Cos I’m a massive cunt

  30. simon senior (verified owner)

    Ace game played with friends will be playing again

  31. Jeremy Fibber

    I haven’t actually played this or even seen these cards but they’re now my most favourite game ever. My family and I have passed the time merrily away on many a rainy caravan holiday playing with these funtastic fellows, and my 3 year old can’t wait until the next edition comes out.

  32. Katie Powell (verified owner)

    I knew as soon as I came across the advert for these cards in The Viz I shouldn’t cunt around, the greatest purchase I’ve ever made, hilarious fun…will there be a 2019 edition?

  33. Nick Gille (verified owner)

    I cunt stop laughing

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